Umineko No Naku Koro Ni Episode I-I: Solving problems with child abuse

Time to begin blogging about the one show that got me hooked in an instant for this year’s summer season, Umineko no Naku Koro Ni (When the Seagulls Cry). It’s a murder-mystery type of thing like Higurashi and there will probably be a few resets since it was made by Ryukishi07 and his group, 07th Expansion. Let’s begin.

Our Story starts off  with Kinzo Ushiromiya asking Dr. Nanjo about how much time he has left. Turns out it’s only 3 months left. He then goes into a craze about Beatrice, clearly showing off his obsession with this woman.

Because you’re stalking her you old ass fart…

Now we move on to the arrival of our hero of the story, rapping about how he’s on a boat.

Kickass name.

With the introductions of the numerous characters made, we learn that there’s no seagulls at the harbor, not that I ever rly cared for’em. But apparently they’re supposed to keep people alive with the way they’re referred to throughout this show. Alas, our hero is a huge pervert who has a taste for nice pairs of tittehs. There’s also the other relatives: George, typical glasses guy, Maria, the creepy 9 year old who kills her own cute moments by looking like a gremlin from time to time, Rosa, her crazy mom who’s voiced by Kallen’s jap VA. Then there’s Eva, George’s momma who wears Chinese clothes and most likely knowing martial arts, And George’s dad Hideyoshi, a fatass who owns food companies. We’re also introduced to Battler’s parents, yakuza-lookin nigga, Rudolf, and his smart wife Kyrie. And you can’t forget about the hot blonde girl, Jessica.

For tits like those, you shouldn’t even be asking…

The rich ass Ushiromiyas finally make their way to the top of the cliff via stairs to get to the mansion after creepy loli Maria talks about how there’s no shrine on the sea mountains or whatever they’re called. Way to show your creepy from the get go, huh. Once they reach the guest house, they meet another servant, Kanon, who calls himself furniture. Niggas who think like that need a slap upside the head. 😐

And I’m sure no girl would ever want to “polish” you…

Since that, ol Battler has a moment the second he sees the pretty cute maid of the house, Shannon. As you expect, she has a big pair of titties.

It’s a wonder she hasn’t been molested yet…

Of course before the kids head for the mansion, we have Krauss Ushiromiya, Jessica’s dad, knocking on the door, but only manages to piss him off. Kinzo is not a nice guy at all, making Krauss feel totally hated.

Then ol Battler and the kids go inside the mansion, but Battler looks to his left and notices a strange portrait that he’s never seen before.

Cuz that nigger is crazy.

Anyway, Kinzo being the Ushiromiya head is a feat. Maybe having to do all the work by himself for years made him a bit senile. Either way, the Adults get together and have a conference about how the gold should be split up once Kinzo dies. The whole thing gets heated when Natsuhi looses her cool. Natsuhi is Krauss’s hawt wife btw.

Also this:

He’d look just like Mr. Clean if he went bald…



Natsuhi runs out crying after Eva tells her off and it didn’t help that her own husband told her to leave. So she ran off in tears with old lady Kumasawa watching her. How pitiful.

As for the little niggas, they’re out on the beach listening to the epitaph that Maria copied from the hallway. The epitaph is a riddle in itself.  It’s all due to this witch, Beatrice that Kinzo became rich with tons of gold in the first place.

I’d wear that on my clothes. 😐

Gotta admit, I kinda jumped when I first saw the eyecatch.

The talk of the epitaph is grisly due to the “twilight” parts of it saying things like, “Gouge the head and kill” and “Gouge the Chest and Kill.”

After that chat, the storm starts and Maria decides to be a little bitch and go look for her stupid rose. IT WAS A WITHERED ROSE. Ah, kids these days…

Rosa shows up and they ask her to help find Maria’s rose. Her rose seems to be missing though since no one can find it. Of course, there’s that sound Maria makes all the time, that uu~uu sound.

And then Rosa show’s Maria some motherly love…

Maria slapping

Aww, ain’t that cute?

not the answer. SLAP AWAY, ROSA!


After Rosa leaves Maria outside in the rain, some mysterious gold butterfly flies by for a moment and that nigger Kinzo is being insane again, proving it by throwing the Ushiromiya ring away. Rosa of course remembered that she left Maria outside in the rain and this causes her, Battler, George, Kanon, and Jessica to look for her. Rosa finds her and apologizes for slapping her around (Ya rite). Of course, it’s then that Maria tells them that the umbrella she has right now was borrowed from Beatrice, which shocks everyone.


Haha, this episode was a pretty good start. The Ushiromiya family aren’t saints at all. The one thing I liked about this episode the most was the child abuse. Yeah, the scene was intense and I found myself cheering Rosa on.She’s great with the slapping and whatnot. Though I have to wonder what the deal was with Natsuhi losing her cool like that. Since this is supposed to be a murder-mystery show, She could totally go kill someone. She seems most likely to be driven to commit murder. Gotta see moar.


Posted on September 21, 2009, in Anime, Umineko no Naku Koro Ni. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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