Umineko No Naku Koro Ni Episode II-I: Furniture Angst

New Beatrice portrait this time around and it looks like it’s our first reset of the series. Yeah, can’t have a When They Cry series without the resets, now can we? XD Blame that nigga Ryukishi07 for making me expect resets.

~Summary:

The episode starts off with George and Shannon on a date in the aquarium and discuss how magic brought them together. How cheesy. It’s a wonder those two haven’t hit it off, yet alone kissed considering how lovey dovey they are.

That makes no sense…

If that ain’t the most boring name I’ve ever heard…

Looks like we’re back one year in time, December 1985, and Shannon smashes a mirror, fulfilling her promise. Goodness, hasn’t anyone told you not to trust witches?

I see why Santa doesn’t deliver presents to Rokkenjima…

One step forward and two steps back…

Once we go back even further, to October 1984, In the living room, Krauss, Natsuhi, Eva, and Hideyoshi discuss George’s success as an aspiring businessman and Natsuhi tells Jessica to learn a little from him. She’s like, FUCK DAT SHIT and leaves the room, passing Shannon by, who’s just now going in to serve them some tea. Shannon being bumped, that was enough to raise the tension in the room. She dropped the spoon used for the tea and Natsuhi scolds Shannon. The tension only gets worse until George busts out the ITS EARL GREY card. Krauss is impressed that George knows his tea well and Link George winks at The Girl Shannon.

You mean her tits were always that big?

George: Thanks, but Jessica looks like she wants to raep you…

Shannon tells Jessica that George helped her out a moment ago. Jessica obviously shows that she wants to hook Shannon and George up.  Discussing that and making Shannon embarrassed, she only blushes more when George showed up. Shannon thanks George and he plays it off like he did nothing. What a smug bastard… The moment is ruined when red herring Eva shows up to the convo and acts like a bitch like usual. She totally realizes that George has an Oedipus Complex and totally wants to squeeze her milk. She’s jealous because Shannon’s tits are bigger and prolly contain moar milk. Totally.

His marriage to you is uncertain…

You mean YOU right?

Servants cannot stop a love between a mother and her son…

As a result of Eva’s bitchness and total jealousy of Shannon’s tits, Shannon runs to Beatrice crying HELP ME HELP ME IM IN LOVE WITH GEORGE BUT IM FURNITURE WHADDOIDOOOOOOOOO. And Beatrice answers her call and she’s all like, HAY ITS ALRIGHT THAT YUR IN LOVE WITH FOUR EYES BUT SMASH THIS MIRROR AND I’LL HOOK U UP, SEE. While Beatrice is saying that, Furniture Boy shows up and tells Beatrice to LEAVE BRITNEY SHANNON ALONE and Beatrice walks up to this nigger, with kitty claws ready to scratch the furniture, but Shannon tells her to leave Furniture boy alone. Alas, Beatrice accepts that request and hands her some gold charm that’s supposed to bring Shannon and George together. She leaves.

IN BED?

Shannon: Of course I’ll be happy to get 7 years bad luck…

You should be asking her to polish you instead…

DO THE SHANNON DANCE

That thing looks like it was made out of spray-painted pigshit…

After getting that brooch, we skip BACK to 1986 and see that see that George and Shannon’s date is over and Jessica spazzes over the fact that she and George never hugged and kissed. She also bitches at how she doesn’t have a boyfriend and has an WHEEZES as a result. Shannon asks if there’s someone Jessica likes.  Later that day, Shannon has tea with Beatrice and she even eats chocolate and goes Tsundere over being stared at.

ever tried Drake Bell?

*in b4 Beatrice x Shannon doujins/fanfics*

That wouldn’t be the case if you polished the furniture regularly.

After the beach scene, it switches to night with Kanon and Shannon talking. Furniture boy is hatin’ on Shannon’s new relationship and eventually tells him that Jessica has feelings for him. Deep in his mind, we all know this boy wants to be polished… The next day, he goes to Jessica’s school since she asked him to pretend to be her boyfriend. A concert happens with lame ass Touhou cosplay and stupid song playing. The song is dumb enough to make Furniture boy evolve into Emo boy. What a pokemon she’s raising.

That You wish to be polished tenderly?

He had hell putting on that heavy ass coat…

More like her furniture…

Break some faces!

Terrible Uniforms are terrible

GO BACK TO  K-ON

Yes, K-on is stupid…

After the concert stuff, Jessica and Kanon are outside having a chat about the day, as Jessica hopes he had a lot of fun. Kanon expresses that she’s good at singing (I know that’s a total lie) and claims he can’t cuz whaddya know, he’s FURNITURE. Jessica gets tired of his IM FURNITURE bullshit and he busts out with the I KNO U LIEK ME card. He then rejects her feelings right there and then, breaking her heart, saying Humans and Furniture cannot love each other, leaves, then turns around and bitches at Beatrice. Good god, someone punch this nigger in the jaw for me…

Could you give the K-on thing a rest?

Yeah, I wasn’t aware my nightstand could talk…

You can’t bring emos together, Oh Great Witch…

If you looked in a mirror right this second, you’d know…

Hopefully that 3rd seed is you and Battler…

~~~

This episode was rather slow for a setup to the second arc. The next episode is supposed to be more setup material, but more entertaining hopefully. I’m looking forward to seeing moar Child Abuse from Rosa. And hopefully Battler will be around. This episode lacked Battler, but Beatrice being around alot more than made up for it.

This episode mainly contained relationship problems. One happened, one didn’t. But I have no idea what the 3rd seed of love is. I’m already caught up in the current release and i still don’t know. Ah well, we’ll see.

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Posted on September 22, 2009, in Anime, Umineko no Naku Koro Ni. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Pretty sure the third seed was Kinzo.

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