Umineko No Naku Koro Ni Episode II-V: I Accept Beatrice as my Personal Savior

This episode features missing dead bodies galore, as Gohda continues to panic and Rosa continues being a Grade A Bitch.


Yep… The episode starts off with the remaining servants reporting to Rosa what the fuck just happened. Though it seems that it’s too much for Gohda to explain and Shannon becomes a fucking mute, so it’s up to mah boy Mr. Clean to explain the situation. He mentions that at first they saw Kanon and Rosa gets all happy thinking she was right. George shuts down her YAY ME moment and Genji elaborates that it wasn’t really Kanon, but he killed Kumasawa and Nanjo.

So the servants take Rosa and the remaining cousins to the servant’s room, and much to everyone’s surprise, the damn bodies are gone. There’s a letter on the table and Rosa reads it. Beatrice claims to have borrowed those two bodies as part of the ceremony. Rosa then gets the master keys from the envelope. This may be another closed room, but it’s a damn good one, so I gotta give props to the culprit. *cue Meta-world scene 6*

Aliens! Say aliens!

Hey, looks like someone was interested in Emo Furniture afterall…

That’s a damn good closed room, even though it IS another one…

My thoughts exactly…

Goodness… Sure they can’t be copied?

The Red truth shall pierce the heavens!

The Corpses might be hidden in the room…

Can’t they be unlocked from the inside?

You forgot the window…

That’s a lotta red for this closed room, but i have two possibilities on how this closed room could’ve been pulled off, but will explain at the end of this post. Anyway, once the meta world scene ends, Rosa starts to believe that Kumasawa and Nanjo are actually alive since there’s no body. She even thinks Kanon is still alive and she still suspects Shannon, Mr. Clean and Gohda of being the ones who killed Jessica and the first six. Shannon simply cries about it and Mr. Clean tells her to let it go, deciding to not argue against Rosa’s reasoning and turns his master key over to her since he doesn’t have her trust anymore.

Rosa claims she’s ashamed to suspect him since he’s Kinzo’s most trusted servant and friend. Mr. Clean then tells Shannon and Gohda to do the same. Rosa takes Maria’s bag and drops all the keys inside the bag and gives it back to Maria, who goes Gremlin mode like usual to claim the Witch did it. Rosa was about to deliver some motherly justice on her until Koizumi Battler stops Kyon Rosa from hitting Haruhi Maria. Battler then walks up to Maria and hugs her with tears in his eyes. I only DAWW’d when Maria gave Battler a kiss on the cheek with the cutest expression on her face.

Could this be the remake of the Chris Brown and Rihanna feud??


I’d only support Battler x Maria if i killed the gremlin within…

Fuck she’s cute…>_<

I wasn’t aware you thought of yourself as furniture…

Preach it!

Are those MANLY tears?

After the servants give up their master keys to Rosa and discussing things they’ll do after the storm, the servants leave the room and George tags along to look after Shannon. Once they’re out of hearing range and out of sight, Rosa mutters that there is a duplicate key and makes it clear that she still suspects the suspects. Battler could only get mad at Rosa for continuing to suspect them and even going so far as to ignore him and walk off with Maria. When he screams… *Cue Meta-world scene 7*

She hasn’t gone far enough…

Beatrice: Only if you kiss my ass…

Battler: Only if you polish me daily…

After Beatrice proposes that Battler become her furniture, the scene cuts to the servants and they tell curious George everything they saw regarding the Hentai Furniture (Just decided to call Fake Kanon that). Shannon also reveals that this all started because she gained seven years bad luck by smashing a mirror and that Natsuhi has an extra mirror in her room. Her room is currently locked, so the servants have to head for the chapel and get the key from her corpse. Mr. Clean stays behind because Someone has to keep Kinzo in check. He then goes GAR by throwing a knife at a butterfly in less than a second. Meanwhile, inside the parlor, Rosa is on guard while Battler and Maria discuss the epitaph.

The web from your friendly neighborhood…

Since when were they allowed to marry into rich families and become emotional?

This nigger is GAR.

As for George, Shannon, and Gohda, they reach the Chapel and as it is natural to feel bad for seeing their corpses like that, but Shannon went for the key. After obtaining it, a swarm of gold butterflies surround her and George pulls her away and runs. Gohda tries to fight the butterflies off and he and the couple see Beatrice from above.  George has some trouble opening the door for some reason, but the lock is released eventually and the three little mice run from the cat.

At least the keychain looks Shinto Priest..y?

She looks down on lovey dovey niggers and the cooks who cook for’em…

Once they make it back to the mansion, they quickly head for Natsuhi’s room. Shannon and Curious George look around her night stand until they find the box containing it. The box is locked, so George grabs the knife inside the drawer and attempts to break it open. One of my favorite themes plays in the background as they all can hear Beato’s laughter. Gohda checks outside and he’s shocked to see The FCC Goat-Headed butlers have been called to collect. Gohda closes the door and locks it but it keeps unlocking itself. Gohda’s all like, FUCK IT and holds the door in, trying to keep it from opening until another one of those cute girls feels up his face and then turns into a stake to kill him with a heartbreak Shot. Beatrice is now in the room. The cook was cooked.

Shannon: Only you, the master of unlocking, can use this lock pick to open this box…

The FCC forbids tittyfucking…

That’s what I’d say…

There needs to be a GIF made of this part…

It’s the lazy eye

Beatrice – 12, Ushiromiyas – 0


This episode was certainly entertaining. Battler’s on the verge of actually giving up, which is not good. Rosa continues to be a grade A bitch, and how she can even be like that is unbelievable. Well, maybe it is, but this has got to be the work of Paranoia. That, and I think she’s bi-polar. I liked that Maria hasn’t been Gremlin mode as often, but it still crazy for her to go there. Hell, if her mom’s bipolar, then she is too.

Not much else to say on the episode except my thoughts on that recent closed room murder with Nanjo and Kumasawa and I think that their bodies are hidden somewhere in that room. And furthermore, are we sure that key in the envelope was Kanon’s key that Nanjo recieved? The only way to pull these closed room murders off, is to have a master key. Since the red text said the keys can’t be duplicated, I’m positive there are some Joke keys around. Sure, Duplicate keys would mean usable keys that’ll work all the same, but joke keys would look like the key used, but wouldn’t work. These niggas have not tested these keys at all.

Time to blog then next episode…


Posted on September 24, 2009, in Anime, Umineko no Naku Koro Ni. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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