Umineko No Naku Koro Ni Episode II-VI: Cow Tits Make Awesome Sandwiches

More people are killed, for once again, time runs thin for the Ushiromiya family and the accusations are taken to a whole new level.

~Summary:

Taking place where we last left off, with Beato encountering Curious George and Shannon. George breaks the box open and Beato taunts them before sends the goats to attack.  Orihime Shannon uses her forcefield to hold off the goat butlers, which is successful, for Curious George ain’t so curious about Shannon’s powers. Shannon expresses how she hates how Kanon was humiliated when his corpse was erased. Beato decides to bring in an Ero Furniture boy and let it destroy itself in the forcefield. Beato could only taunt Shannon about how she’ll never be able to have sex with Curious George, whom i sure is very curious to see what’s under that maid outfit. She then uses her swarm of butterflies to get rid of Shannon’s forcefield. Shannon asks George to tell her he loves her one last time, but they’re both killed off by two stakes before they could say anything.

Surely you want to do the same for Battler…

Least the shield looks better than Orihime’s…

Beato likes things raw and dirty…

Beatrice hates happy endings…

Meanwhile, after George and Shannon are killed, Mr. Clean is outside in the rain, looking at a couple of bodies. He goes inside the mansion to tell Rosa that he found Nanjo and Kumasawa’s bodies outside in the rain. Rosa, Battler, and Maria follow Mr. Clean and of course and see the throats still slashed and this time with a stake added to the knee of Nanjo and the leg of Kumasawa. After that, Rosa and the others decide to go back into the guest house to check up on George, Shannon, and Gohda.

Mr. Clean tells Rosa that they told him they’d be in Natsuhi’s room. The door is locked, so Rosa gives Battler a Master Key to unlock the door. Once he opens it, he’s horrified to see George and Gohda dead, and checks on Shannon’s body only to see her dead too with a stake in her forehead. Rosa throws Battler down, demanding that he not touch anything until the police come.

Battler realizes that the first eight twilights have been done and Maria tells him that the 9th twilight is the witch’s revival.  They then head back to the parlor and Rosa tells Genji to stay out and Battler worries about Genji since he’s still a suspect. Once inside, Battler finds a letter on the table and reads it, then finds a magic circle behind it. Rosa pulls Maria to her side and points her gun at him, accusing him of being a wolf. Battler defends himself by going Phoenix Wright on her and pointed out why she wasn’t in the chapel (Finally, someone brought this up) and Rosa almost pulls the trigger, but Maria intervenes, with child tears. Battler is tired of all of that suspecting going back and forth and shouts Beatrice’s name, at the same time Kinzo does.

I’d say a shield so i can blame Captain America…

Be lucky her face ain’t smashed…

Do you know the answer? I sure as hell don’t…

Because she realized she can’t do the Phoenix Wright with a gun in her hand…

You should be looking for a certain cardboard box…

Should’ve shouted LOVE AND PEACE…

I hope you wasn’t at that portrait for four episodes straight…

Battler, later that night, decides to have a drink and get drunk. Mr. Clean goes to Battler and asks him if he wants to learn everything from Beatrice and Kinzo. Battler decides to tag along and goes into Kinzo’s study, only to see a ton of Gold Butterflies around the room. He also spots Kinzo in a game of Chess against Beatrice. Battler demands answers and Beatrice will answer only if he becomes her S&M partner. He agrees.  Only a Drunk Battler would surrender like that…

Meanwhile, Maria and Rosa are back in the chapel. She still cringes at the sight of her dead siblings, but decides to take a single gold bar from the pumpkin and leave. Maria has the worst gremlin face ever as she still wants the Golden land. Seriously, her face should be torn off next time she does that shit…

Meanwhile, As a result of Battler’s surrender, He’s now naked with a collar and chain. Bernkastel takes her goat mask off and calls the whole thing pitiful. Beatrice demands the golden land to be opened! Of course, Kinzo appears out of nowhere only to be eaten by goat butlers and Battler eventually suffers the same fate.

Someone drank some of that purple drank…

That sounds like a confession…

This nigga never got ate…

Would you like a piece of naked Battler as well?

…Yeah, he’s drunk…

Battler got goat raeped.

After that business, Maria and Rosa are running outside, trying to escape the island while being chased down by goat butlers. Maria slips and falls and gets pinned by a goat butler in such a sexual position and Rosa acts quickly by putting a bullet in it’s head. Rosa then proceeds to take out the butlers one by one with the gun until it runs out of ammo and gives it to Maria so she can reload the bullets (lol wut). Rosa of course takes Maria’s bag and goes GAR by beating those goats with the gold. The bullets are reloaded and Rosa and Maria are cornered by the goats… The end is near.

Yeah… I thought the same thing…

OH YEAAAAAAAAH

Terminator mom

Remember MLK’s Dream speech!

After the Goat assault, Rosa finds herself strapped down to a chair and wakes up to find Beatrice sitting in the seat in front of her. We see that she’s prepared four dishes for the goats to force down her throat. First is a drink made out of Krauss’s blood, a salad made out of Eva’s tongue, a fish made out of Rudolf’s face, and finally, Maria’s head for dessert. Maria’s head speaks to Rosa saying she’s sorry she was ever born. Then she just HAD to go crazy with the usual attitude. Rosa acknowledges Beatrice, but She’s still getting Maria forced down her throat. Beatrice claims victory, but It’s only then that Battler makes an epic come back by delivering THE best line of the series.

Wrong Show…

I wasn’t aware Eva had five tongues…

This is the worst of the dishes…

I wasn’t aware Rosa was a whore…

BEST. LINE. EVER.

Deep down, she’s happy…

Only GAR Rosa will deliver this…

Battler: Certified Pervert.

Round 2: FIGHT!

After Battler’s Epic return, we get one more look into the Witch world. Beatrice asks Bernkastel if she enjoyed the last game and she comments that one-sided games are boring. Beatrice then suspects that Bernkastel isn’t just a mere observer and it turns out she’s right. A new witch shows up, who bears a striking resemblence to a younger Miyo Takano from Higurashi. Beatrice tells Bernkastel that Lambdadelta (the Mini Takano witch) Is in her side. Bernkastel points out that Lambda’s just holding a grudge. Bern also states that now that she’s been exposed, she’ll be going all out.

Indeed it is…

Quit hatin’ ya little bitch…

~~~~

Allllllrighty. when i started watching this episode, I thought that the previous episode should’ve ended with George and Shannon’s deaths instead of beginning this episode with’em. On top of that, this episode felt very rushed all the way through. Entertaining here and there, but still, very much rushed. Battler’s line more than made up the flaws of that rushness though. It was a classic line and quote worthy to many people. Battler going from drunk, to naked, to eaten, made him look like a Bitch. Good thing he snapped out of that shit quick. What I’m bothered by, is the lack of red text centered around George and Shannon’s murders. Those deaths were never addressed and I wanted to see Battler try tackling that crime, but by that point, he had already given up.

Now to add on to Nanjo and Kumasawa’s murder. I can change my theory on the last post to something like this: They were never killed in the servants’ room in the first place. They were killed outside. To carry the body around after slitting a throat, surely there would’ve been a bloody trail made from such an injury.

Ah well, Maybe next episode will be better since it’ll be the start of a new arc.